Murmurings Of A Mad Man

 How can one describe mental illness?

There are of course the complex psychiatric definitions. But what do these cold hard diagnosis tell you about the heart? Or the feelings one has? Or the spiritual trauma? Murmurings of a Mad Man is a book of poetry written by myself. It deals with my time spent inside of Graystone Psychiatric Hospital. I am a sufferer of bipolar disorder.

I don't think the poetry is what anyone would expect from a psychiatric patient. It is written in strict rhyme with strict rhythm. Here's a sample.

Abandoned in Dorm Sixty Two

Beauty is a pleasing thing to the eye

For a lovely women men kill and die

Charm is a warmth eternal for all days

Conquering hearts as they lift subdued praise

But those things are a wave on the ocean

Life’s greatest treasure is plain devotion

As I sit in dorm number sixty two

Insane thoughts tornado right unto you

Not a lover, nor brother, nor friend

I am just something you liked to pretend

An uncomfortable being ignored

Seen with scorn, in contempt I am deplored

Not a visit, a call, nor a note

“I am the least of these” to give a quote

Abandoned ship when it hit disaster

Seeing a leper you ran the faster

Oh if you but knew our dear sweet Master

For Love is something worthy to die for

To give everything and then give some more

I needed just a hand to hold in hell

I believe you understand it now well

Fly away, to another discover

I desire you not as friend or lover

I am the summation of all holy

For even the greatest begun lowly

But do not pout nor have a frown on face

There’s always grace

Murmurings of a Mad Man come hear it

God is a lunatic and a Spirit

Dorm sixty two was the dormitory that I was in. Graystone State Psychiatric Hospital is a place where only committed patients are held. Those that were deemed as a threat to others or to themselves. It's most famous resident was Woody Guthrie.

In the book I use three figures to represent my ego, superego and id. These being Joe Hill, Woody Guthrie and Crazy Horse. One thing about mental illness is that it takes away your pride. Any semblance of arrogance vanishes. It is in this low state that one feels a connection with the common man. That one learns compassion for the oppressed and down trodden.

Murmurings of a Mad Man is definitely a statement about life. It looks at the world from a unique perspective; one that many are unaware exists. I ask you to take a moment and use the eyes that have been thrust upon me. It will lead to greater understanding of the world around you and even yourself.

Sylvia

My love she lies beside me sleeping our dream

My breath is hushed as my pen dictates scream

She is the angel that makes life easy

She is the devil that knows how to please me

Lover, Friend, Doctor, Nurse, Mother and Wife

The steadfast anchor the Love of my life

How many angry words have you forgave?

How many times my life came to save?

I do not have any greater desire

Then to kiss your lips and embrace your fire

You are fantasy a lady and more

In agony the woman I adore

When the well is empty from you I drink

When my mind is barren your thoughts I think

You are my black rose delicately tough

I ask for more I’ll never have enough

I pray your inner hopes of righteousness

Will awaken you with fulfillment’s soft kiss

I am the sage you humble to a fool

I am a god your life I cannot rule

Sleep dear child as I chase futility

You will never know what you mean to me

Murmurings Of A Mad Man 

In The Quiet Room

 In The Quiet Room

 

by John Kaniecki

 

MADNESS, Madness, madness

An endless mantra

My sacred curse

This vitriol verse

My mind meanders in murky doom

As I sit

As I wait

IN THE QUIET ROOM!!

The large wooden door

Massively secure

Is full of scratches and dents

From previous occupants

I begin to thrust my weight

Against the study gate

Time after time after time

My keepers in angry breath

Threaten me with death

If I don't cease my crime

It is not their harsh laws

Bat rather

The futility of the cause

That makes me repent

 

There is a window

Blazing glorious light

I see the marvelous glow

But nothing is right

I am an inmate

Of  Greystone

Which is infamously known

A ferocious reputation

Of dark damnation

Is its own

In my manic delusion

My eyes inherit illusion

I gaze

Not upon the sun in the sky

But rather I see

God in all his glory

I do not lie

 

I curse the Almighty's name

Though my faith devout

Still I shout

And blasphemies I proclaim

Such is the depths of my pain

Such is the insanity in my brain

But my eyes burn

And a lesson I learn

God you may defy

But never look Him in the eye

Don't even try

 

Moments

Melt to minutes

My mind dissipates

As voices in my head

Vocally debates

I calmly observe

Listening to all that is said

Suddenly

They open the door

I am pacified

Gone is the war

In my surrender

I can scarcely remember

What I was fighting for

 

From Dorm Sixty Two

These words are true

Judge not pilgrim

Don't condemn my sin

It could happen to you

Madness may consume

And you my find

Life unkind

In the quiet room

Take a tour into the world of mental illness and see a human being. Please check out my book “More ThanThe Madness.”