Chapter 4
Contradiction in the Corn Field
Don Colandri was conscious that he was flying. There was
a whistling sound, and his hair was being tossed about. He dared not open his
eyes, as he feared that he was somehow inside of a twisting tornado. Then it
suddenly occurred to the engineering student that he felt no circular motion. Instead
of spinning, it was almost as if he was being thrust forward, perhaps like a
jet plane soaring through the upper atmosphere of the Earth. All Hypo knew was
that he didn’t like the feeling and that it couldn’t be anything good. Finally,
there was the inevitable thud!
Don Colandri was flung upon the ground. It was as if some
bully had snuck up behind the young man and given him a wicked push.
Unfortunately, with his eyes closed he hadn’t seen this coming. So instead of
hands extended in preparation for the collision with the ground, the young man
hit the dirt with an emphatic exclamation point; most unfortunately for Hypo,
his face was the first point of impact. However, considering the semi-hideous appearance
that Don Colandri possessed, there was no cause for alarm.
Don rolled over as he moaned in agony. His mind was twirling
in an attempt to make sense of the past frantic thirty seconds he had just
experienced. He began to formulate in his brain the details. True to an
engineering student, he gathered all the known facts. That was how engineering
worked. You would take a great equation and then, one by one, plug in the
numbers. At the end of the process, there would remain one unknown. From there,
it was a matter of simple or complex mathematics to determine the absent value.
Don had been walking down the grand lawn of Edward’s
University on his way to his statics exam. He had been contemplating what he
had crammed the night before when he had been distracted by a gorgeous blonde
woman. In his heart, he had felt a deep carnal lust for the woman. This excited
fantasy had been dashed at the appearance of her “gorilla” boyfriend. Then
there had been a rushing of the wind. Don had suddenly felt a weightless sensation,
as if he was being flung in the air. The young man recalled reciting some rote
prayer in desperation. The next thing he knew was that he was cast upon the
ground.
Hypo then had the bright idea to open his eyes. He hesitated
for but a fraction of a moment. What if he was dead? What if his life had been
terminated? Was he ready, after all, to meet God? Maybe God was a woman and
greatly offended by his sexist attitudes―the way he reduced the fairer sex into
sumptuous cuts of meat. But Don Colandri came to the dread realization that if
he was, in fact, on his way to the next life, he had zero alternatives―unless
of course, reincarnation was a reality. In that case, Hypo would desire to be
returned to Earth as another human being. He didn’t care where, or even when,
just as long as he was rich. Such was the linear thinking of the engineering
student.
The young man first rolled to his side and then slowly
opened his eyes. At first there was a brilliant shining of light that made Don
Colandri cringe. “Ugghh,” he moaned in contemptible disgust. He had died and
gone to heaven after all. Suddenly, the engineering student had the brilliant
idea to convert to Islam. After all, the reward of seventy-two virgins was most
tempting. Hypo made the calculations inside his mind. If only one out of ten of
the ladies were hot, that would make 72 very desirable chicks. Why, that was
one every night of the week with a bit of thigh or two to spare! But in heaven,
wouldn’t they all be fiery? Unfortunately, with the thought of something hot,
Don’s mind digressed into hellfire, which began a grave depression.
As his mind processed his thoughts, the young man’s eyes
were getting adjusted to the light around him. What he saw puzzled him to no
end. It certainly wasn’t heaven, and thankfully it wasn’t hell. No, it seemed
that Don Colandri was, of all places, in a farm of some sort. Edwards
University was located in Hoboken, on the exact location where Steven’s
Institute of Technology had once stood. Hypo racked the deepest canyons of his
mind searching for anything remotely like a farm in that area. Why, if he was
carried away by a tornado, it must have been a distance of over ten miles! This
one fact made the event impossible. Still, his eyes were clearly seeing tall
stalks of some kind of vegetation.
Don Colandri was about to get up when he suddenly realized
that there was a pain in his side. Cautiously, he slid his right arm down to
his rib cage where the agony was most intense. It hurt to touch the area. Hypo,
however, continued in his exploration of his ailment. In particular, he was
trying to determine if any ribs had been broken. That would turn a most
unfortunate accident into a tragedy. Broken ribs might even prematurely spell
the end of his semester at Edwards University. Fortunately, Don didn’t feel
anything that seemed like it was broken. Rather, it was just a serious bruise.
Don rolled to his other side. What worse could happen?
Suddenly, a terrible roar was let out. Trembling with a
massive wave of fear, Don Colandri’s mind raced into action determining what
could have caused such a cry. Moments later, when all that could be heard was
the thumping of the young man’s heart, he wished away the terrifying cry as his
overactive imagination. A second, and much louder, outburst proved his thinking
false.
Don Colandri was in panic. However, he was not overcome with
fear. Rather, the survival instinct kicked in. Calming himself down, he
understood that giant monsters were only for cheap Japanese movies and they
didn’t exist in reality. Taking no chances, the young man struggled to his
feet. Pain cried from his bruised side, making the simple act of standing up a
laborious chore. Hypo first rolled to a squatting position. Then carefully, he
arose. Now he clearly saw that he was in a corn field. Odd, the corn was not
anywhere near harvest. However, his mind was quickly stripped away from any
speculations about agriculture. There in the not-too-far distance was a
terrifying sight.
Hypo had to blink his eyes several times to make sure it
wasn’t some fantastical vision he was seeing. Then his mind surveyed his recent
memory. Had he taken any hallucinogenic drugs in the recent past? Perhaps he
was having a flashback? A third roar of fury from the being’s mouth made
everything irrelevant. Before Don Colandri, about two football fields away,
stood a sight of sheer horror. The beast was green, with the basic form of a
man. Standing at a full sixty feet tall or so, whatever it was, it was not
remotely human. In fact, it was ghastly alien. The huge creature had scales
covering its slimy body. Its face was most like a lizard of sorts. Huge fangs,
each the size of a human being, protruded from either side of its mouth. The
nose was long and pointed. The beast had enormous red eyes that seemed to be
like a raging fire.
Apparently, whatever that monster was, it had spotted Hypo. The
monster waved its massive, clawed hand in his general direction in a most
threatening fashion. Don Colandri contemplated the dire circumstances.
Immediately, his mind went into overdrive, concentrating solely on survival.
Unfortunately, he was totally clueless as to what he should do. Not only was
there this grand monster threatening to snuff out his life, but he was in some
foreign corn field with no place to run or hide.
“Do exactly as I say,” said a feminine voice, with a tone
both soft and sweet but also severely firm―like a mother’s command oozing with
sensuality.
Don Colandri turned his head, twisting it in every direction
he could to find the source of the mysterious voice. It seemed that it
originated from empty space. “Run to your left and then straight up the path
toward the beast.”
Don continued to look around, puzzled.
“Look, if you hesitate you will surely get killed. You’re
going to have to trust me on this, kiddo,” came some heartfelt convincing
words. “If you don’t obey my commands to the exact letter, I’m going to leave
this level without you.”
Somehow, Don felt a pang of despair at the thought of being
left alone. Obediently, he ran to his left. He saw that there was, indeed, a
large opening in the field of corn stalks. Seeing this sight brought a great
encouragement to Don Colandri. In the distance, he saw the humungous beast. It
let out another terrifying roar. The monster flailed its massive muscular arms
in the air. However, it seemed that as if by some invisible bonds, the creature
was held steadfast. Excited at this possibility, Hypo defied all reason and
raced forward.
“Okay, kiddo,” said the voice, excited and overtly happy. “You’re
doing great.” Don Colandri smiled as the voice continued. “Now, I can’t explain
everything, but Orcus will be bound for another twenty point three five
seconds.”
“Orcus!?!” Don Colandri spoke into the empty air.
“Yes,” replied the woman’s sultry voice as if she had heard
what Hypo had uttered. “That is the name of the creature. Now listen intently.
I’m going to navigate you through the maze of corn stalks. At the end, there
will be a bag. Grab the bag, and then I’m going to navigate you back so we can
both safely leave.”
“But why not just leave now?” asked the puzzled young man.
“Do as I say,” hissed the voice in desperation, “or all will
be lost.”
Don Colandri looked around. He had clearly seen that the
beast, “Orcus”, was somehow bound. In his heart, it dawned upon Hypo that he
had to trust in this mysterious woman. His mind quickly went over his other
options. The only alternative he could come up with was to make an escape on
his own. Calculating the odds, especially factoring in that he was terribly
lost, he forsook that avenue.
“Now turn right,” commanded the woman. Without hesitation,
he deviated to the right. Hypo began running full force. Somehow the pain in
his ribs had dissipated with all the adrenalin. No time to think about that! “Now
turn left, and after forty feet make a sharp right. You’ll be back-treading a
bit.” Obediently, the young man followed the instructions. Sure enough, before
him was a bag.
The woman let out a squeal of joy as Don Colandri picked up
the bag. “Oh, I love you, baby,” shouted the woman, jubilantly. Hypo couldn’t
help but have a tremendous smile upon his face. His curiosity began to surface
as to what could possibly be in the bag.
“Now we have to get you back safe,” called out the woman. “You
will be following the same path, and I’ll be helping you.” Don Colandri looked
up and saw Orcus take a massive step forward. There was a pounding on the
ground that made all the cornstalks shake. Like a rabbit running from the fox,
the young man was on his way.
“Hurry, hurry, hurry,” encouraged the voice as Don Colandri
navigated his way through the maze of plants.
All the while, he tightly clutched the bag that was in his
hands. It wasn’t heavy, but clearly there was something of substance inside of
it. He had an urge to sneak a peek at the contents but resisted the temptation.
He was fearful of losing his life at the tender young age of twenty.
“Now to the left, to the second right, and from there it’ll
be a straight shot to the Transmitter Machine,” spoke the unknown lady in a
sexy voice.
Don Colandri did as he was instructed. He managed to glance
back at the monster, who was only fifty yards away. Perhaps in acknowledgement
to Hypo’s backward gaze, the beast called Orcus cried out a deafening roar.
This frightened Hypo and encouraged his terrified feet to fly all the faster.
Finally, Don Colandri was running down a straight away. In
the distance, he saw a figure in a brown robe. The being was covered completely;
even its head was mysteriously veiled. Like sprinting at the end of a marathon
to win the competition, Don raced ahead. Finally, in exhaustion he reached the
brown figure. A pang of torment raced into Hypo’s mind as he considered that
this figure might be as inhuman as the gargantuan creature that was looming so
near.
“Now,” screamed a seductive feminine voice, “take my hand!” The
brown robed figure extended her hand, and Don reluctantly grabbed it.
“Good!” shouted the lady. “Now press the button,” she
commanded.
Don Colandri saw a column in front of him. He was thoroughly
baffled at how he hadn’t noticed it before. But there was no time to think. He
feared that the monster would stomp upon him and turn him into an instant human
pancake. In a last-ditch effort, the beast let out a humongous roar that seemed
the equivalent of a dozen claps of thunder. Hypo looked at the column that had
appeared, seeing that upon it was a gigantic blue button. Unsure of what else
to do, he slapped his free hand and hit the button. There was a ringing of a
bell, and all went black.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A ROCK STAR
