Poems In The Night

 Poems In The Night

 

Woke up this morning I decided to change the world

I picked me a red rose and gave it to my girl

She smiled when I said you’re my valentine

But they’re still dropping bombs in Palestine

 

Here I am writing poems in the night

It’s a silly way to fight the fight

Maybe words can set the world right

Here I am writing poems in the night

 

Went downtown to watch the shoppers shop

The were in a frenzy spending money non stop

I did my best and I managed to keep my smile

Oh the silly things you do to stay in style

 

Here I am writing poems in the night

It’s a silly way to fight the fight

Maybe words can set the world right

Here I am writing poems in the night

 

I went to the meeting but I wasn’t allowed to speak

I found the door after I turned my other cheek

The sign on the door said Uncle Sam wants you

I was wondering what’s a poor boy to do

 

Here I am writing poems in the night

It’s a silly way to fight the fight

Maybe words can set the world right

Here I am writing poems in the night

 

The American dream means that you are sleeping

In the hood in the third world mothers are weeping

Bread and butter are losing to wars without end

Bow down to the bull of Baal be our friend

 

In Red Onion prison they set themselves on fire

Peace love and understanding they’re my desire

They’ve killed all our leaders or bought them out

Forgive me God I believe but I got my doubts

 

Here I am writing poems in the night

It’s a silly way to fight the fight

Maybe words can set the world right

Here I am writing poems in the night

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Days Of Your Life

 Days Of Your Life

 

Welcome to this place we call school

Open your eyes be wise play the fool

Inside your heart our darkness shall rule

A cog in our machine you’re the perfect tool

 

Be a good little boy

One day you’ll enter heaven with joy

Endless questions only annoy

Be a good little boy

 

Learn your lessons and learn them well

Never mind be blind to this living hell

Study hard and we shall indoctrinate

Gone is your love welcome in hate

 

Be a diligent young man

Play your part in the master plan

Serve the state yes you can

Be a diligent young man

 

These are the days of your life just a flash

Inside your mind sense and reason clash

These are the days of your life soon to end

You have no answers you just merely pretend

 

Rocks red glare bursting in the air

To scared for anything save prayer

Mangled bodies war is a sordid affair

A hard way to learn they really don’t care

 

Be a courageous young soldier

March forward be bolder

Carry the cross on your soldier

Be a courageous young soldier

 

And you teach your children the same wicked sin

And you teach your children that life’s a game to win

And you grow old and pretend to be wise

These are the days of your life only lies

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Money And Power

 Money And Power

 

Capitalism’s cat she’s a playboy bunny

She doesn’t dig true love it’s pure money

A wad of cash and she’s your sweet honey

She’ll laugh at all your jokes even if they ain’t funny

 

Twin demons money and power

A hungry beast seeks to devour

Now is darkness and the final hour

Bowing down to money and power

 

An ogre with orange hair he’s selling us out

He looks in the mirror that’s all he’s about

What profit a man to gain the whole world’s control

And at the very same time you lose your soul

 

Twin demons money and power

A hungry beast seeks to devour

Now is darkness and the final hour

Bowing down to money and power

 

Martin counts every penny he’s got a disease

He wants a life of leisure to do as he please

Lie after lie it’s the blind leading the blind

Generals and bankers a blight on mankind

 

Twin demons money and power

A hungry beast seeks to devour

Now is darkness and the final hour

Bowing down to money and power

 

In Red China a million soldiers march in line

In Harvard business school mammon is divine

Pay your indulgences so you can enter paradise

Give all to the poor it’s my best advice

 

The final countdown Babylon’s beginning to fall

The Masters of War snivel wanting it all

Cracks in the foundation hear the Liberty Bell

They offer you heaven only to give you hell

 

Twin demons money and power

A hungry beast seeks to devour

Now is darkness and the final hour

Bowing down to money and power 

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More Than The Madness

     Chapter 1

Introduction

 

People like me don't come from any particular place; we are all around the world. We live in every country. We don't have any specific skin color; we share them all. You can't tell that I am any different by looking at me. What sets me apart is what is going on in my mind. I belong to a dreaded world that most people fear and don't understand. There are many labels placed on people with my condition: “crazy,” “lunatic,” “crackers,” “nuts,” “insane,” and “mentally ill.”

I didn't explicitly set out to write a book. I started by writing stories to express what is so deep within my soul. When I shared these stories with friends, we laughed together and reminisced about our common experiences. The book that you hold in your hands was born. It is the story of my life.

You will never completely know who I am by simply reading my tales, but perhaps you will begin to understand. When Jesus was asked, “And who is my neighbor?" he didn't answer the question directly. Instead, he told the story of the Good Samaritan. The parable did more than answer the question. In the same way, I hope my story will help answer the question of what mental illness looks and feels like.

My illness is manic depression caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. I was diagnosed when I was twenty. The year was 1987. Now, it is called by the milder name “bipolar disorder.” Psychiatric disorders are often misunderstood; I was a leper with a hidden disease. One can’t simply look at me and see something wrong, yet my existence has been far from normal.

An X-ray reveals a broken bone, and anyone can see the cast on a leg. Nobody would expect a person with a broken leg to run a marathon. But when someone suffers from an illness like depression, the reality is often denied. "There's nothing wrong with you" or "You're just lazy" are typical comments. Loved ones become frustrated and seem to lack compassion. They can’t see the problem because they can’t get into the person’s mind to experience the battle raging inside. They can’t see the living hell. I’ve walked in those shoes. This is a book of my footprints.

This book is about mental illness, written by one who suffers from it. In these pages I open my life with candidness and honesty. I am not afraid to reveal my soul.

Mental illness needs to be better understood. There are mountains of misinformation about it, and people have lots of questions. Is it treatable? What are the symptoms? Are there different kinds? How does it affect people? There are textbooks you can read to answer those questions. My book is not a clinical book filled with facts and figures but a book of humanity to touch not just the mind but, more importantly, the heart. It not only shows the illness with all its ugliness, but it also reveals the fact that I am a human being, just like you. The illness makes up part of who I am, but it does not define me.

Unlike any physical sickness, mental illness has an attached stigma. As a result, we hide our condition from our neighbors, coworkers, acquaintances, and even friends. It's the dirty little secret that the rest of the family doesn't like to talk about. In my experience, if you’re poor, they will call you "crazy," and most likely, you will wind up in a state institution or, worse, a prison. If you're middle class, they will say that you suffer from a “chemical imbalance,” and you will most likely get adequate treatment. If you are rich, you will be called “eccentric” and get the finest treatment. Whatever you call it, most people would like to brush it under the mat, somewhere out of sight.

I hope this book will help change some of these negative perceptions. I have purposely omitted some information to protect people I mention in my story. All of the names, except my own, were changed to conceal identities, even the names of my parents. It is sufficient to say that our home life was unpleasant. The purpose of this book is to heal and not to hurt. I don't want to air dirty laundry. I don't want to expose every last flaw of my parents. Yes, it might be interesting and helpful in explaining my illness, but I will not do it, and it is not necessary.

I am a devout Christian. Without God, the pain of the darkness of night would have crushed my soul and destroyed me. With the help of the Almighty I bore my cross, and many have helped me carry it along the way. It has indeed been a long, strange trip. I am not what the potential of my gifts may have promised, but by what criteria should this be judged? I know without a doubt that I am a better person for what I have gone through. Remember, the measure of a man is not determined only by the distance he travels; the nature of the road must also be considered.

I am forty years old and happily married. I have a bachelor's degree in mathematics. I work full-time as a civil engineer and support myself financially, with my wife Sylvia doing her share to contribute as well. I have come a long way from lying in bed all day, thinking about how I was going to kill myself. I must humbly submit that I have overcome the demons. I am not a hundred percent out of their grasp, but they no longer dictate the terms and conditions of my life. I have progressed beyond many who suffer from the same malady and even some who do not.

There is more to me than the madness. I am a human being just like you. The illness is just another dimension in a complex picture. After you read this book, I hope you will realize that I am not a creature who needs to be locked away from society, as some would demand. I hope you will understand that I am not a bizarre phenomenon. I hope you will see some of yourself in me and realize that we aren't too unalike after all. Most of all, I hope that when you encounter an individual who suffers from a mental illness, you will not ostracize them and consider them second-class or worse.

Many people have helped and supported me in this work, and I thank them. I hope you enjoy this book as much as I have enjoyed writing it. It has indeed been a labor of love. Be prepared to be challenged. Get ready for your horizons to be broadened. I am going to show you my life, a life that is probably very different from yours. Or maybe it is very similar to yours. If so, I hope my story helps you feel not so alone in your struggles. In sharing my experiences, I have exposed the shadows of deception with the brilliant light of truth. I hope it will set you free. I hope the shackles of prejudice will be cast off.

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Shades Of Blue

 Shades Of Blue

 

By John Kaniecki

 

There are many shades of blue

And all I recall

Remind me of you

 

There are many shades of blue

Wide, thin, small and tall

But none of them are true

I see the sky

I cry
I see the ocean deep

I weep

There are many shades of blue

And all I recall

Remind me of you

And how you weren’t true

So what’s a poor boy to do?

 

There are many shades of blue

And I’d trade a kingdom or two

For one of those days full of charm

When I held you tight in my arms

But the past has fled

And my heart is dead

It is no longer red

But alas

Entrenched in a blue steadfast

There are many shades of blue

And I wish I never knew

Your love so tender and sweet

So in bitter defeat

I lay these words at your feet

 

There are many shades of blue

And the poet cannot conceive

Or the man of faith believe

Or have a clue

Of the love one can receive

From somebody as wonderful as you

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Born to Chase the Wind

Born to Chase the Wind

 

The dusty old trail is calling me on

Come the morning and I will be gone

And all that will be left of you and me

Will just be a pleasant memory

I never made a promise to you my love

I didn’t take an oath to God above

I’ll remember you I tell you no lie

At least until the next gal comes by

 

Well I was born to chase the wind

It’s such a sad life my friend

Yeah I was born to chase the wind

And I see that it’s blowing again

 

I got a pack with a couple of things

I never know what tomorrow brings

Maybe sunshine or clouds overhead

I hope I’m lucky enough to find a bed

No I ain’t a bum don’t you say so

I’m a wandering worker a regular hobo

I’ll clean your house or wash your car

Then I’ll relax and play my guitar

 

Well I was born to chase the wind

It’s such a sad life my friend

Yeah I was born to chase the wind

And I see that it’s blowing again

 

My roof is the sky

On green grass I lie

Too tired to weep

Gently I sleep

Dreams inside my mind

Of some better time

Then comes the morn

And I’m back on my journ

 

Well I was born to chase the wind

It’s such a sad life my friend

Yeah I was born to chase the wind

And I see that it’s blowing again

With you good sir I’ll travel a while

Pass the whiskey and make me smile

I can tell you a tale or sing you a song

It really helps that the liquor is strong

Ever since Adam when he ate from the tree

All that man knew was misery

Talk about woman I think about Eve

If it weren’t for her we’d never grieve

 

Well I was born to chase the wind

It’s such a sad life my friend

Yeah I was born to chase the wind

And I see that it’s blowing again

 

Well one day I shall enter my rest

I’ll look God in the eye cause I’ve done my best

I may go to heaven I may go to hell

The future’s uncertain who can tell

But this I know as a solid fact

I’ll have good times for me to look back

Yes I’ll have just one request in the end

O God Allmighty let me catch the wind

 

Well I was born to chase the wind

It’s such a sad life my friend

Yeah I was born to chase the wind

And I see that it’s blowing again

And I see that it’s blowing again 

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The Nameless

 The Nameless

 

There was a man who did the time without the crime                       

Rich man laughs walking down the street can’t spare a dime           

On La Rue Avenue he plays the blues for free                                  

She sings and brings all the things of her reality                               

 

We are the nameless but we have names

We are the players but these ain’t games

And the government is full of shames

We are the nameless but we have names

 

Once I was Pharoah but that was a long time ago

I don’t get out that much maybe a disco

Hannibal is marching the elephants are dreaming

Armies being trampled no telling whose screaming

 

We are the nameless but we have names

We are the players but these ain’t games

And the government is full of shames

We are the nameless but we have names

 

America the empire who never lost in a war

America the empire it’s Babylon the Whore

They called them Indians but Columbus got lost

They called them Indians I’m still counting the cost

 

A summers day on the burning plantation field

Singing songs of freedom the spirit won’t yield

A vision of glory Jesus carrying his cross

“Come on you slaves work harder” yells out the big boss

 

We are the nameless but we have names

We are the players but these ain’t games

And the government is full of shames

We are the nameless but we have names

 

Billionaires want to shoot rocket ships out to Mars

Paupers are hooting coveting electric guitars

And poets like me write songs trying to give hope

They’ll hang themselves for sure just give them enough rope

 

We are the nameless but we have names

We are the players but these ain’t games

And the government is full of shames

We are the nameless but we have names

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