Friday, May 20, 2016

Murmurings Of A Mad Man

How can one describe mental illness?

There are of course the complex psychiatric definitions. But what do these cold hard diagnosis tell you about the heart? Or the feelings one has? Or the spiritual trauma? Murmurings of a Mad Man is a book of poetry written by myself. It deals with my time spent inside of Graystone Psychiatric Hospital. I am a sufferer of bipolar disorder.

I don't think the poetry is what anyone would expect from a psychiatric patient. It is written in strict rhyme with strict rhythm. Here's a sample.

Abandoned in Dorm Sixty Two

Beauty is a pleasing thing to the eye
For a lovely women men kill and die
Charm is a warmth eternal for all days
Conquering hearts as they lift subdued praise
But those things are a wave on the ocean
Life’s greatest treasure is plain devotion
As I sit in dorm number sixty two
Insane thoughts tornado right unto you
Not a lover, nor brother, nor friend
I am just something you liked to pretend
An uncomfortable being ignored
Seen with scorn, in contempt I am deplored
Not a visit, a call, nor a note
“I am the least of these” to give a quote
Abandoned ship when it hit disaster
Seeing a leper you ran the faster
Oh if you but knew our dear sweet Master
For Love is something worthy to die for
To give everything and then give some more
I needed just a hand to hold in hell
I believe you understand it now well
Fly away, to another discover
I desire you not as friend or lover
I am the summation of all holy
For even the greatest begun lowly
But do not pout nor have a frown on face
There’s always grace
Murmurings of a Mad Man come hear it
God is a lunatic and a Spirit

Dorm sixty two was the dormitory that I was in. Graystone State Psychiatric Hospital is a place where only committed patients are held. Those that were deemed as a threat to others or to themselves. It's most famous resident was Woody Guthrie.

In the book I use three figures to represent my ego, superego and id. These being Joe Hill, Woody Guthrie and Crazy Horse. One thing about mental illness is that it takes away your pride. Any semblance of arrogance vanishes. It is in this low state that one feels a connection with the common man. That one learns compassion for the oppressed and down trodden.

Murmurings of a Mad Man is definitely a statement about life. It looks at the world from a unique perspective; one that many are unaware exists. I ask you to take a moment and use the eyes that have been thrust upon me. It will lead to greater understanding of the world around you and even yourself.


My love she lies beside me sleeping our dream
My breath is hushed as my pen dictates scream
She is the angel that makes life easy
She is the devil that knows how to please me
Lover, Friend, Doctor, Nurse, Mother and Wife
The steadfast anchor the Love of my life
How many angry words have you forgave?
How many times my life came to save?
I do not have any greater desire
Then to kiss your lips and embrace your fire

You are fantasy a lady and more
In agony the woman I adore
When the well is empty from you I drink
When my mind is barren your thoughts I think

You are my black rose delicately tough
I ask for more I’ll never have enough
I pray your inner hopes of righteousness
Will awaken you with fulfillment’s soft kiss
I am the sage you humble to a fool
I am a god your life I cannot rule
Sleep dear child as I chase futility
You will never know what you mean to me